With a good book, the dog and a bottle of evian nothing is more enjoyable; all that's missing is Le Petit Trianon, and a devastating beauty in muslin. Smoking is rather difficult, the heat and nicotine seeming to congeal into a ghastly gunk at the back of the throat, but nothing I can't handle. I can handle most things, the sweating (a good heavy-duty aluminum-laden deodorant), the UV rays (shaded parks) and sleepless sticky nights (sleeping pills and the birthday suit). However, the proliferation of naked flesh is way out my control.
It is the height of peacock-dom to be strolling through the park with your torso bare; I don't care if you have a six-pack gut and rippling pectorals – put it away. There are enough lovely vests and tee shirts to clothe yourself with, Dries Van Noten had a chic ethnic tee with a silk yoke this season that screamed ‘buy me’; Kokon To Zai – ever an inspiration – has fun oversized tees allowing air to billow around your sweaty body like a couture Bedouin, and if all else fails, head to Sainsburys and treat yourself to a £4.00 striped vest, long enough to cover the perspiring crotch if wearing the Givenchy leggings that won my heart – colourful stripes that echoed Brideshead and cheap enough to splash out on some nifty sandals from b-Store.
There is simply no need to be making me feel queasy at your protein-fuelled, exercised body (I can smell your farts from here fyi); I hide my bulge quite well, and when I have binged on the rococo chocolates, simply breathing in does the trick.
Strutting Schwarzeneggers are the negative of summer, along with flying ants and B.O.; for each case, a quick trip to Sainsburys does the trick.
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